she's a muse; she's amused

i don't know how to face souls laid bare

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Nine out of ten days I am those words that appear in a Julia Quinn novel. Those words that inspire joy and happiness and whatever it is that is positive. I feel and believe in that sense of buoyancy I always wax lyrical about.

This one day I am inadequate, I assume a feeling of, am consumed by and am subsumed with numbing self-doubt.

Why is it so hard to feel appreciated at work?

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I'm so happy today!!!!

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I am a veritable fool.

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Was this not some excuse for incivility, if I was uncivil?!

It's been awhile since I've visited this space. And it's been awhile since I've been jolted from my inner sanctum of peace. People have been asking me why do I care, perhaps at the same time they were judging me inside their heart of hearts. Were you not my friend, had I not been concerned about your inner torment, I probably would not have cared as much as to comfort you when you're down, and eventually to find out your so called despair was just a lie. Turns out that I am a bigger fool than that smiling court jester in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. Then again, I always did have an awful propensity to blow things out of proportion. Sagis do that, as we feel acutely, despite our best intentions to remain emotionally distant. This is a storm in a teacup made up of a dash of tea lies. I know that the world is full of lies, and have always thought that as long as it didn't hurt me I wouldn't need to care. This time it did so allow me to be petty tonight.

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 Moral dilemma.

What has happened to me???

maybe work does take mind off things. reading through past entries and i realised tt they're quite emo. haha but hey acty i don't feel this way all the time. maybe xiaxue was right when she said people like to blog when they feel a particular emotion strongly. and i blog hte most often when im frustrated. hahha so there guys, irl im mostly sunshine rainbows and lollipops! anw, this month's been extremely xiong! working till average 11 - 12 pm everyday this past week. playing manager tag everyday since the manager kept asking if i have things to do!! good god, and i have to work tmr!!! hope is a paper boat that sinks. ok not that line, i'm not a manic depressive. hahha. i rly don't mind my work THAT much tho, since i love my team. they are so niceeeeeeeeeeee. the snr, the a11s, even the a10s are all my cups of tea. even though i've only known some of them like for a month only, i feel like we're old friends! coolz right! hahaha. even the manager's somewhat okay as he's quite a funny guy when he's not stressed up. oh wells. tmr needa work. so bye!
 

i suppose saying "you suck!" to a person ten minutes before his birthday is considered exceedingly bad form. but oh how much i relish tt scene in my mind's eye.

allow me this ten seconds of cynicism before i return to positive thinking alright?

 sometimes i really wonder if i'm just a little bit too cold and hard. 

 why so cold?